My heart...my love...my dream.... Dec 2, 2007

When I was younger there were many a time I thought I was ‘in love’ but the older I get the more I think I was just infatuated with them for a very long time. I am now beginning to understand what love is at a deeper level then I used to. I have read many a thing that say you will know when love hits you. I believe that you may not know WHAT has hit you. 

When you get a feeling that you’ve never had before, how are you going to know what it is? When your heart races when you think about someone special, when your hands and feet go ice cold, you hear their name and your heart skips a beat, the phone goes off and you think it’s them and it takes your breath away, your body shakes when thinking of them, you think about them and you feel like you’re going to vomit because there are so many butterflies in your stomach. You become so tongue tied that you cannot speak and make sense all at the same time. You check your email a 100 times a day waiting for something from them. When you feel those feelings for the first time it’s the scariest thing in the world. You have no idea what’s going on or why these strange feelings are coming about.

I'm beinging this up because I've been thinking about the whole marriage thing. I have some friends and family that's around my age getting married and I thought, first, man i feel so old, and second one day that'll be me, but how am i going to know when it's right? I know like i already said that people say you'll just know, but every year my knowledge of what's a real feeling and what's just infatuation grows more and more. 

My biggest dream is to one day get married and have a family. I cannot wait for those days. I don't know who I'm going to end up with. I could know you now or I could be meeting you at anytime. Only God knows that answer. I also know that God has a plan and it's all going to work out in His timing, not mine. It doesn't matter when or what I want, it's already rearanged with God who/what/when/where/how/and why. 

I've always dreamed of it being like a fairy tale, you know the whole prince on the white horse coming in to save the day thing. I know it won't be quite like that, but he will be my prince.